I really appreciate all of the kind comments after my last entry. My week got worse before it got better; Friday afternoon I received an e-mail from a friend’s husband two hours after their second child (a daughter) was born. Their first child and Luke have been in preschool together and we’ve spent much of the summer going to the pool with them. I am trying to prepare myself for going to see the new baby which should happen in the next week or two. If the past week is any indication, I don’t expect to get through the visit without bawling. I hope that it makes Jay feel horrible. I know that’s a terrible thing to say, but I’m so frustrated with him and he just doesn’t understand how big of a deal it is to me to want another child.
I have decided that I’m not going to try to lie to myself anymore. I know now how much I want another child. I don’t know if it will ever happen, but I’m done with lying about how I feel. I am not ready to give up either; I’m only 27 and I’d rather have two children a little further apart than I originally wanted than to only have one. Now, if it doesn’t happen by the time I’m around 30 then I may reconsider, but that’s a few years away and a lot can happen in three years. Besides, it would be ideal for me to get pregnant in about a year from now. Then Luke would be almost done with Kindergarten and we wouldn’t have to pay as much for after school care for him and maybe we’ll have moved to a bigger home by then.
One more thing: I have a piece of advice for anyone who is either in a position like mine or someone who wants to have children (and has a willing spouse) but is having trouble conceiving. Do NOT go to the mall for lunch during the week. Really, just don’t do it. I went to the mall for lunch today to take advantage of Clinique’s bonus time and I swear the mall is full of mothers with babies in strollers. It was all I could do not to start crying while I ate lunch. The good news is that I am someone who cannot eat when I’m depressed or upset; it was tough to even choke down a little food at lunch. So maybe I’ll be able to lose those 20 pounds after all if I don’t get pregnant any time soon. I’d really rather lose just a little of it now though and worry about the rest after having another child…
Jill's Blog 
September 20, 2005 at 1:49 pm |
{{{Jill}}}} I know that mall feeling so well. After my miscarriage I couldn’t even go into to Walmart because in order to grocery shop I had to go right by the baby department. I wanted to scream and cry everytime I saw it.
Hang in there. If you ever need a shoulder you know where to find me.
September 21, 2005 at 7:27 am |
If being vindictive is what it takes to prove to your ?H just how much you want another child, then so be it. Honestly is always the best policy. {Hugs}
September 23, 2005 at 2:09 pm |
((Jill)) My children are as far apart as they are because of this *exact* situation in my own marriage. DH and I also married cause I was pregnant and he also didn’t want anymore kids. (probably wouldn’t have agreed to the first if it hadn’t happened by accident.) We were married 7 years before I finally got him into counseling where he finally realized how important it was to me. It was really to the point where I was done if we couldn’t have more children (there were other issues, and I didn’t want to stick them out if I couldn’t even be happy in the end.) I was lucky though, DH really wanted to stay with me, and agreed to have another child and work on the other issues. 3 years later I have my second child and the other issues are much improved. ((hugs)) to you and I hope your situation has a similiar resolution. Feel free to email me if you want to talk. (Email is public in my ezboard profile.)
September 23, 2005 at 6:02 pm |
(((((Jill)))))