Just Some Thoughts

I haven’t really known what to write lately so I just haven’t been posting. I’ve written probably three blog entries and then deleted them. Maybe this one will stick…

I had an interesting afternoon yesterday. I took Luke to the park down the street to ride his bike and play on the playground. He saw a friend from school, an adorable little girl, and so they played together for awhile while her older sister played in a softball game nearby. I had a long talk with the girl’s mother while they played. I have said before that I think God allows us to put ourselves into unpleasant situations because we need to grow or learn something or appreciate something that we wouldn’t otherwise. Yesterday I began to wonder if maybe, in addition to that, things happen in our lives just so that we can say one thing to one person and have a chance to make a difference in their lives.

I’m talking about my childhood and my parents and the perspective that I have from those experiences. This woman I met yesterday has two kids and an alcoholic husband who is often out of work, they’re barely scraping by, etc, and she’s at the end of her rope. She said how he had been sober for five days so far “this time” and that she wants out but it’s so hard with the kids, bills, etc. Even with what’s going on in my life I would never want to encourage someone to get a divorce but I did share my experience as a child growing up in a similar family and how my mom stayed “for the kids” for so many years and the harm it did. I don’t know what she’ll do with her situation, and I tried not to say what she should do either way because it’s not my place to say, but she seemed to really need to talk about it with someone who understood a little bit. I know that it was helpful for me because it made me see in a small way how trapped my mom must have felt and why it was so hard to her to finally leave my dad. I harbored a lot of resentment towards her for years because I felt she should have divorced him long before she did but she stayed “for the kids”. Anyway the other mom and I exchanged numbers and plan to get the kids together to play again soon.

There have been so many times recently where I see someone who seems to have it together or have such a perfect life and it turns out that they have their own problems too, different but not necessarily better. It cautions me to not be envious of other people who may have the life that I think I want; there is usually more to a person than what they allow others to see.

I have thought so much recently about the effect that decisions have, both on the person making a decision and other people around them. Some decisions can have immediate consequences and others may not be apparent for years. This decision that I have made, while I believe it is the right decision for me, causes me great pain to see its effect elsewhere. I don’t want to cause pain for anyone else but I want to be happy. Christine said something in a comment to a previous post that, with this very short time we have on this earth, it’s important to do what makes us happy. I believe that she is right, and I know what that means in my life, but it doesn’t make it easy.

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3 Responses to “Just Some Thoughts”

  1. Susan Says:

    {{{Jill}}} – I used to stress out about the people with the “perfect” lives around me, but you’re right – nobody’s life is perfect – they may be having a better year than you, but I’m sure they’ve got their own set of problems.

    As far as doing something that makes you happy, Christine is right. Before I got married, my mother told me the most important thing in a marriage is to keep your spouse happy. She was wrong, and she admitted it years later, when she saw how miserable I was. She told me that I’d spent my whole life making everyone else happy, and it was time to find my own happiness. You deserve happiness!!

  2. Glenda Says:

    A wise post. Unfortunately, doing what is right is often quite difficult at the time.

    Regardless, keep to your plan and take care.

    {{{Jill}}}

  3. claudia Says:

    Great post. You are so right! Stay with what makes you happy, it is up to others to makes themselves happy, so you can’t worry about that.
    I left my alcoholic husband after eight years of debating over how my girls would deal with either the divorce or staying with him. Leaving made life harder on us, but now they have more respect for me and are making better choices for their own lives! It’s still not a bed of roses, but it’s my bed and I am more satidfied.–>

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